Aventura Man Requests Maximum Press Coverage in Bid to Have Cocatuk Case Dropped

The Aventura resident who previously claimed the RBI planted cocatuk inside his home has contacted Redmont Person with an unusual request: publish more articles about his case. According to the resident, former Acting Attorney General AmityBlamity previously argued that it is "impossible" for courts to remain impartial if "the defendant's name is being publicly tainted," leading her to discontinue a high-profile prosecution. Believing the same legal theory could apply to his own situation, the resident reportedly hopes enough headlines will convince prosecutors that continuing the case would simply be unfair.

In response, we at Redmont Person are proud to unveil the Press Veto(™). For just $10,000 per article, our newsroom will publish coverage of your alleged crimes in an effort to render any future prosecution hopelessly prejudicial. The Aventura resident has already requested a five-article package, claiming it was "significantly cheaper than a good lawyer."